I Miss Being Good at Things: The Competence Grief of Moving Abroad

I am, in English, reasonably funny. Quick. Articulate. I can read a room.

In German, even after years, I am a flattened version of myself. I can express the basic version of an idea. I cannot do nuance. The jokes don't translate. And in social situations I go quiet — not because I have less to say, but because the gap between what I want to say and what I'm capable of saying is genuinely embarrassing.

This week I'm talking about something I call competence grief ... the real, disorienting loss that comes from being good at things and then suddenly being a beginner again as an adult. The language piece, the cultural piece, the identity piece. Why it's harder than the visa paperwork in some ways. And why it's temporary, even when it doesn't feel like it.